Rabbi Avi Weiss; pseudo-psychology

A few years ago, right after my mother died (within 9 months, actually), my father decided that he was going to get remarried and move to Israel with his future wife. For my sisters and me this was devastating. We were always within a reasonable proximity of our parents. We have been accustomed to having immediate personal access to them.

To have my father move across the world so he can fulfill his religious wet dream so soon after my mother died added salt to my wounds of grief. I felt as if I had lost both my parents that year.

One of my sisters had a brilliant idea that we should go to counseling to talk this out. I schlepped into Riverdale, NY, thinking that we were going to see a trained psychologist. Instead we walked into Rabbi Avi Weiss' office.

Not again!

Jesus Fucking Christ. This was the same man who intruded upon my mother's death-bed, tangled himself up in our personal family affairs and interjected with diarrhea of the mouth every chance he got about the subjective laws of halacha and how they pertain to my mother's death.

I was floored.

Two of my sister's, B. and J. were there. Elana decided to not come. I suppose the Modern (Open) Orthodox variety of Judaism, which Avi Weiss subscribes to conflicted with her chosen version of Sephardi Judaism.

While B. and J. cried their eyes out to this Rabbi, I was stoic. I didn't appreciate the bait and switch tactic which was used by my sisters to get me to attend this session. I suppose I should have expected this, but being away from orthodoxy for so many years, I forgot that everything revolves around their Judaism.

Of course, one cannot go to a non-religious counselor because that person may give advice which conflicts with the dogma that your rabbi is already brainwashing you with.

Words of wisdom

After listening to many tears and regret from my sisters; including J.'s narcissistic rant about her guilt over introducing my father to his upcoming new wife who already lives in Israel, Rabbi Avi Weiss spouted off his words of wisdom.

He advised us to pretend that my father was a child and he was making an aliyah for one year to Israel. This is a modern custom where young adults are given the opportunity to go to Israel for a year, maybe join the Israeli army, live on a Kibbutz (communal living) and completely immerse themselves in Israeli life, before entering the work-force.

There are scores of organizations that offer services to assist families with financial aid, referrals and information regarding living in Israel. Since the Jews put so much stock into this concept of aliyah, I was concerned that my sisters would be swayed by this tactic of delusion.

In simpler terms, Rabbi Weiss told us that moving to Israel fulfills the mitzvah (commandment) of aliyah and my father should be given his chance to do this without his children's admonishments which may ultimately interfere with his decision to move to Israel.

Rabbis must always think of the 'whole' of Judaism; keeping the mitzvahs flowing and promoting what is ultimately the main goal; preservation of the Jews and Israel.

We were advised to delude ourselves into thinking that our father would only be in Israel for a period of time, knowing full well that this was false. Apparently the logic is that eventually, after this chosen time period, we will become accustomed to having him live there and we would be capable, at that point, of accepting his permanent move.

In addition, we were told by Rabbi Weiss that fulfilling aliyah is something to be encouraged and commended. Guilt, guilt and more guilt, he spouted. I suppose if you subscribe to such concepts as divine real estate, chosen people, and the Law of Return which promotes the immigration of Jews to the State of Israel, then maybe guilt would work.

Mind games

I was appalled. This was just another example of Rabbis lying for their cause by playing psychological mind games upon emotionally grieving people.

I suppose it is easier for religious people to convince themselves of falsehoods in order to feel better, in spite of the obvious evidence around them. This is what they do to accept the tenets of Judaism or any other religion.

Another interesting topic which came up in the "counseling session" (and I use that word loosly)was the number of changes that my father was undertaking in a relatively short period of time. He watched my mother suffer from breast cancer the year prior to her death and now he was planning to remarry less than a year after my mother passed away. He was retiring and also selling the family home to move to Israel. We felt that he was going through too many changes and needed to slow down to process everything.

Rabbi Weiss' response to our concern that our father was taking on too much, too soon, was met with an interesting but irrelevant interpretation of Halacha. According to R. Weiss, men who are widowed are allowed to remarry after only one month of the wife's death. Women, on the other hand, are required to wait a year or 11 months, I forgot which one.

Besides the obvious inconsistency with men and women and their perspective roles in the Jewish grieving process, he failed to address our HUMAN concerns that my father may be taking on too much in a short period of time.

I suppose when you worship and cling to an enormous body of rules and regulations, hearing that your father's actions fall in line with the required ethic may be consoling for some.

Meaningless and sexist

But what about those who find halacha meaningless and sexist?

Walking back with me to her apartment, B. asked me what I thought about the session and I told her that I thought that Rabbi Weiss spouted off a bunch of horseshit in order to make it easier for us to live with our father's decision to move to Israel.

B. actually agreed with me. She was very angry (as I was) and expressed sorrow that we had wasted our time.

In retrospect, I get it. It is of prime importance that the prospering of the Jewish People as a group be preserved, as is emphasized in their dogma.

Religious people are like a bunch of chimps, forever squabbling about who's in, who's out, who's up, who's down. Can't we do better?